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Excerpt from my upcoming biography on burger mogul Dave Thomas


  • Excerpt from my upcoming biography on burger mogul Dave Thomas

    "Dave Thomas was born in 1937 to an uncaring father and an alcoholic mother. After their divorce in 1942 he was put in an orphanage. The other orphans often bullied Dave due to his white hair and glasses. This made Dave Thomas despise all orphans and he swore one day he would get his revenge. He eventually moved in with a distant relative of Colonel Harland Sanders, who taught him the ins and outs of the restaurant business.


    In 1962 a disgruntled Thomas opened his very first restaurant, which he named Wendy's in honour of his first wife Isobel. The franchise eventually gave Dave Thomas fame and fortune, as well as diplomatic immunity. He quickly abused this privilege when he introduced his new menu item - Dave Thomas' Famous Orphan Burger. Dave Thomas acted like he had a big heart but all he had was a thirst for vengeance against those who had wronged him so many years ago. Every Saturday he would adopt an orphan with the promise of a good life, savagely murder them, and grind them up into burger meat.


    Dave Thomas' exploits came to an end when the police investigated the 15,000 missing orphans he had reported over the years. When the police stumbled upon his orphan processing plant, Dave opened fire, killing 3 police officers and wounding 7 more. He was ultimately brought down by a sharpshooter, and history's worst serial killer was finally stopped."

    • Evilbob
      Evilbob commented
      Editing a comment
      Re: Excerpt from my upcoming biography on burger mogul Dave Thomas

      Bob needs to publish the shit out of this.

    • Bob
      Bob commented
      Editing a comment
      The shit has been published out of it.

    • MG
      MG commented
      Editing a comment
      Re: Excerpt from my upcoming biography on burger mogul Dave Thomas

      this explains why some woman found a finger in her chili a few years back
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