Announcement

Collapse

Help Keep Tenstones Alive

I fully updated the site and I'm looking to revive this community. I've been paying for it for years and I did just drop a decent amount to bring it up to date. Click here to show your support:

Anyone donates to support this revival, I can offer an @tenstones.net Google account as thanks.
See more
See less

Kingdom Hearts

Collapse
X
Collapse
  •  

  • Evilbob's Daily Reviews: Kingdom Hearts

    Ok we're back after a brief break with the shittiest, most overrated game ever made. Kingdom Hearts.




    So what's this game about? Fucked if I know, some kid lives on an island with his gay friend, Wakka, and a bunch of coconuts. Then he ends up in Walt Disney World after tripping on some mushrooms he found under a rock. Seriously, the only way anything in this game makes sense is if you look at it as one big drug trip.



    So here's your heroes: Some kid with Cloud's hair and MC Hammer's pants, Goofy, and Donald Duck. Jesus fucking christ, who thought of this? I mean really, could they have picked a more random team? How about Carl Winslow, Error from Zelda 2, and a Teletubby. Goofy and Donald are controlled by the computer, which is the worst CPU ally in the world. They use all your items in 30 seconds. I didn't spend all my fucking "munny" (sigh) so those two fuckers could attempt to OD on potions. Actually I don't blame them, after playing this game I wanted to OD myself.



    Look at this shit, some purple bitch is giving an invisible blowjob to the green giant (who is also invisible) and this is supposed to be a kid's game? Seriously this game is retarded, the camera is horrible and in most boss fights you can't tell what you're doing. You just mash x over and over and maybe you win, maybe you don't. The hit detection is shit in a lot of places as well. The whole game is ridiculously repetitive, I know I've bashed games for that in the past but they're usually hour-long fighters, not 30 hour + RPGs.



    All you do in this game is go from cartoon land to cartoon land, fighting cards, black gremlins, and the worst enemy of all: the shitty controls. I don't know why people like this game, is it because it has FF7 characters? You know what else has FF7 characters? FF7, and it isn't a piece of fucking shit.

    Overall: 0/10. Overrated, repetitive, crap.

    • Bob
      #7
      Bob commented
      Editing a comment
      Re: Evilbob's Daily Reviews: Kingdom Hearts

      I fixed the pictures and promoted this thread.

    • Evilbob
      #8
      Evilbob commented
      Editing a comment
      Re: Evilbob's Daily Reviews: Kingdom Hearts

      I thought the pictures worked on this one?

    • Bob
      #9
      Bob commented
      Editing a comment
      Re: Evilbob's Daily Reviews: Kingdom Hearts

      The cover didn't.
    Posting comments is disabled.

article_tags

Collapse

Latest Articles

Collapse

  • Evilbob's Daily Reviews: River City Ransom
    by Evilbob
    Yeah we're breaking into 8 bit territory now. River City Ransom is another beat 'em up, only this one has RPG elements added to it. When you kill someone you earn money, which you can use to buy items to upgrade your stats and learn new moves. Do these upgraded stats do anything? I don't think so. Do you need the new moves? I doubt it. But still, it's a nice feature. So what's the point of this game? Well you have to rescue your *sigh* girlfriend from *sigh* a gang of thugs. There are differ...
    Sep. 4th 2010, 3:21 AM
  • Evilbob's Daily Reviews: Chrono Trigger
    by Evilbob
    I'm sure most of you have played this game, but if you haven't, go find an emulator and play it. Like right now. I don't care if your dog is shitting itself and your grandma is having a heart attack on your living room floor, this is more important. Chrono Trigger is an amazing and innovative RPG that could very easily be called the best of all time. Incorporating time travel and light sci-fi elements into a traditional medieval style RPG was a great move and it's a shame the sequel sucked...
    Aug. 26th 2010, 2:54 AM
  • Evilbob's Daily Review: Mario is Missing
    by Evilbob

    Everyone knows video games make people stupid. I mean I played them throughout my childhood and I have a 4.1 GPA, so obviously something must be done. Back in 1993 they decided to combine the most popular character in gaming (no not Bubsy, Mario) with educational content. The result was a giant failure, the game wasn't much fun and the educational content was lacking as well.

    I'm not 100% sure on the story, something about Bowser kidnapped Mario (I guess the princes...
    Aug. 6th 2010, 5:32 PM
  • Evilbob's Daily Reviews: Kirby's Adventure
    by Evilbob
    This is probably my favorite NES game. That isn't saying much though, I don't like a lot of NES games, but nonetheless it's a great game. Kirby's Adventure is a innovative platformer where you can fly and steal skills from your enemies by eating them. This gives you a ton of different ways to play through the game, which is a great feature in any game. The graphics are nice, this came out late in the Nintendo's life and it doesn't look good compared to the SNES games of the time, but ...
    Jul. 20th 2010, 5:56 AM
  • Evilbob's Daily Reviews: Kingdom Hearts
    by Evilbob
    Ok we're back after a brief break with the shittiest, most overrated game ever made. Kingdom Hearts. So what's this game about? Fucked if I know, some kid lives on an island with his gay friend, Wakka, and a bunch of coconuts. Then he ends up in Walt Disney World after tripping on some mushrooms he found under a rock. Seriously, the only way anything in this game makes sense is if you look at it as one big drug trip. So here's your heroes: Some kid with Cloud's hair and MC Hammer's pa...
    Jul. 18th 2010, 3:15 PM
  • Evilbob's Daily Reviews: Rival Turf
    by Evilbob
    The box tries to warn you away from this game before you even play it. Two of the least intimidating "punks" ever grace the cover of this assburger. It's a game like Final Fight, only 100 times crappier. Note: The guy on the left turned into the chocolate rain guy and the one on the right was on Saved by the Bell. Where do I begin with this game? The locations you fight in are generic as all hell - a forest, mountains, city streets, a skyscraper, all been done before. The graphics are horri...
    Jul. 7th 2010, 2:04 PM
Working...
X