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Mario is Missing

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  • Evilbob's Daily Review: Mario is Missing


    Everyone knows video games make people stupid. I mean I played them throughout my childhood and I have a 4.1 GPA, so obviously something must be done. Back in 1993 they decided to combine the most popular character in gaming (no not Bubsy, Mario) with educational content. The result was a giant failure, the game wasn't much fun and the educational content was lacking as well.


    I'm not 100% sure on the story, something about Bowser kidnapped Mario (I guess the princess was on the rag that week) and had his minions steal famous treasures from the real world, such as the Golden Gate Bridge's fog horn and Big Ben's big hand. I'm not an expert on the black market, but I don't think there's much demand for a giant fucking clock hand.

    Anyway, you play as Luigi and you travel through various real-life locations, like Chicago, London (not the cool London, the England one), and Sydney. If you ever wanted to run through a poorly recreated New York as Luigi, this is the game for you.


    Going from town to town you jump on koopas, sometimes get a stolen item, and take it to a information booth. They won't just take back what they're missing though, first they have to test you on it to prove that you have the real deal. So they give you a pamphlet and then ask you two multiple choice questions to verify that you have the real roof of the Sistine Chapel or whatever. This makes no fucking sense, apparently the verification process of 1993 was a pop quiz. "Yeah I see you're holding a painted roof, but read this and answer two questions so I know it's the roof I want". How the hell does Luigi carry around a roof anyway? So anyway, you do this about 200 times and finally you rescue Mario, though you'll probably regret it. Did I mention you can't die in this game? Koopas just walk right by you without doing anything, it's lame. If they could actually hit you, there would be a bit of challenge and this could have passed as a game.


    So the educational value of the game is very minimal, it's really more useless trivia than anything. I've never needed to know when the Parthenon was built, they should have made this game about the quadratic formula or accounting or something. Mario Gets Audited would be much better than this piece of dog shit.


    The graphics are ok, they mostly just ripped the sprites from Super Mario World and added some generic buildings. The music is half good and half crap, the control is ok but the menu navigation is horrible, and there's absolutely no replay value whatsoever. The questions don't change, so once you know the answer you aren't going to be challenged. Not that regurgitating information that was just fed to you 3 seconds earlier is challenging. Protip: Try playing it without reading the pamphlets, it adds a bit of difficulty and makes it much more fun. I will admit that the game is tolerable in small bursts, and I do have a bit of nostalgia towards it. Nonetheless, stay far far away from this game.


    Overall: 2/10 - Next time Mario can stay the fuck Missing.

    • Conquestador
      #5
      Conquestador commented
      Editing a comment
      Re: Evilbob's Daily Review: Mario is Missing

      pc+1, I suppose. Hi bob! The evil one, not TsirhCitna.

    • Conquestador
      #6
      Conquestador commented
      Editing a comment
      Re: Evilbob's Daily Review: Mario is Missing

      Meh, +2. Need profile work done.

    • Conquestador
      #7
      Conquestador commented
      Editing a comment
      Re: Evilbob's Daily Review: Mario is Missing

      Sigh, +3
    Posting comments is disabled.

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