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Evilbob's Daily Reviews: Kingdom Hearts

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  • PS2 Evilbob's Daily Reviews: Kingdom Hearts

    Ok we're back after a brief break with the shittiest, most overrated game ever made. Kingdom Hearts.




    So what's this game about? Fucked if I know, some kid lives on an island with his gay friend, Wakka, and a bunch of coconuts. Then he ends up in Walt Disney World after tripping on some mushrooms he found under a rock. Seriously, the only way anything in this game makes sense is if you look at it as one big drug trip.



    So here's your heroes: Some kid with Cloud's hair and MC Hammer's pants, Goofy, and Donald Duck. Jesus fucking christ, who thought of this? I mean really, could they have picked a more random team? How about Carl Winslow, Error from Zelda 2, and a Teletubby. Goofy and Donald are controlled by the computer, which is the worst CPU ally in the world. They use all your items in 30 seconds. I didn't spend all my fucking "munny" (sigh) so those two fuckers could attempt to OD on potions. Actually I don't blame them, after playing this game I wanted to OD myself.



    Look at this shit, some purple bitch is giving an invisible blowjob to the green giant (who is also invisible) and this is supposed to be a kid's game? Seriously this game is retarded, the camera is horrible and in most boss fights you can't tell what you're doing. You just mash x over and over and maybe you win, maybe you don't. The hit detection is shit in a lot of places as well. The whole game is ridiculously repetitive, I know I've bashed games for that in the past but they're usually hour-long fighters, not 30 hour + RPGs.



    All you do in this game is go from cartoon land to cartoon land, fighting cards, black gremlins, and the worst enemy of all: the shitty controls. I don't know why people like this game, is it because it has FF7 characters? You know what else has FF7 characters? FF7, and it isn't a piece of fucking shit.

    Overall: 0/10. Overrated, repetitive, crap.
    Last edited by Bob; Jul. 18th 2010, 3:15 PM. Reason: Pics
    HE LISTENS TO THE FUCKING SMITHS
    HE'S GOT A MUSTACHE
    HE WEARS A TRENCHCOAT
    HE'S GOT A MUSTACHE
    HE WEARS BLACK TIGHTS
    HE WRITES POETRY
    HE WEARS BLACK LIPSTICK
    UNDER HIS MUSTACHE

    HE'S GOT A ROLLERCOASTER HAIRCUT
    HE DYES IT JET BLACK
    BUT HIS HAIR IS REALLY BROWN
    JUST LIKE HIS MUSTACHE
    HE WANTS TO BE ROBERT SMITH
    BUT WITH A MUSTACHE
    HE'S A FUCKING ART FAG
    HE'S GOT A MUSTACHE


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