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Evilday's Bobly Reviews: Helbreath International

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  • Evilday's Bobly Reviews: Helbreath International



    Fuckin Helbreath, the reason we're all (most of us anyway) on this website. Helbreath was a game developed by some seriously stupid koreans in approximately 1986. It stayed in closed beta until 1999, with no serious updates since its original incarnation. I personally started playing in 2001, and played until 2003. I never played HBUSA, so this review will cover the international version only.



    The story behind HB is that two cities are at war for some reason and every Friday, Saturday and Sunday morning residents of the cities raid each other for no reward. Eventually they introduced hero capes but seriously... they were just gay capes. Aqua dyed cape and boots was the way to go. The game is really just a standard MMORPG with decent graphics for the time. I know they weren't mindblowing, but it was nice not having to buy some fucking alienware 300 megahertz ultra fan computer to play it. The music was fairly good as well, I like to scream the Middleland theme while waiting at the doctor's office. There were many ways to make money, including farming (not implemented until the ass end of HBINT's life), mining (nerfed in 2.12 update), fishing (took forever), and some other shit. My personal favorite was scamming. I scammed everyone. I didn't use hacks or anything, I just tricked people into giving me money for accounts I didn't actually own.



    There were also other productive things to do. You could level up, join guilds, fight in the arena, learn a spell, or harass homosexual englishmen. I still hate Hurb to this very day. Fucking Hurb, couldn't even give me his plate leggings. Anyway, the best part of this game was the complete lack of enforced rules. I was always harassing bitches and flooding town chat and never got in any trouble. Some asshole sent 600 pictures to Rich in korea of me being a douche and nothing happened. The community was full of like-minded assholes, which was awesome. I loved the NSA days, and it wouldn't be possible without viewers like you. Sure the only thing to do most days was level, and sure the game was glitchy, hacked relentlessly, and run by idiots, but goddammit that's how we liked it. Helbreath International was fucking awesome, and I spit on the feces of anyone who disagrees.

    10.
    HE LISTENS TO THE FUCKING SMITHS
    HE'S GOT A MUSTACHE
    HE WEARS A TRENCHCOAT
    HE'S GOT A MUSTACHE
    HE WEARS BLACK TIGHTS
    HE WRITES POETRY
    HE WEARS BLACK LIPSTICK
    UNDER HIS MUSTACHE

    HE'S GOT A ROLLERCOASTER HAIRCUT
    HE DYES IT JET BLACK
    BUT HIS HAIR IS REALLY BROWN
    JUST LIKE HIS MUSTACHE
    HE WANTS TO BE ROBERT SMITH
    BUT WITH A MUSTACHE
    HE'S A FUCKING ART FAG
    HE'S GOT A MUSTACHE


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